Yes, I should have been paying attention to driving, but it is still a cool shot.

Seven years ago, a woman came to the edge of a cliff. She looked down, realizing a jump possibly would be the end of her. She looked behind her and saw a tangled jungle of mistakes, missed opportunities, expectations not met, people disappointed, herself disappointed and the jungle was closing in on her. The jungle was unforgiving. The cliff looked vast and deep and promised to be less gruesome than what was behind the her. With the jungle vines strangling her, the woman jumped.

The woman had expected to find the bottom of the cliff, maybe a little war torn but still at the bottom. Instead, the woman found herself right outside of the jungle. Not quite in, not quite out. The invitation was always to come back, but to what the woman didn’t know. More exceptions, more disappointments or perhaps absolution from all and to start again.

Seven years, resentment was a constant companion. Almost as tangible as the person sitting next to her at a bus stop, resentment for not seeing what was at the end of the cliff walked around with the woman. Apathy to seeing what was around her. Tiny shards of joy would sink in, always replaced with a feeling of longing. The impenetrable portion of her mind wondering why she was still at the edge of the jungle when the jungle hadn’t been kind to her.

Then one day, the woman walked up the cliff again. She stared over the edge a long time. Suddenly, the sun was brighter and clearer than it had been in seven years. The jungle, while still twisted, didn’t look as stifling. The cliff looked morbid though. The woman walked away from the one thing she had been dreaming about for seven years.

I’m personally looking forward to living with out the tangible feeling of resentment  with me.  All the expectations, the disappointments, the missed opportunities don’t matter any more as I live up to only my own expectations.

I am known for not charging my batteries. My phone dies, my iPod dies, I forget to put gas in my car regularly. I have in my purse at all times a spare charger for my phone and have used it in the most unusual places. People who know me well just roll with the punches, because this is one of my personality quirks.

My relationship with Christ depends on my being plugged into the Bible. I have plunged in deep, I have pulled back hard depending on where my emotions lay. I have memorized verses, listened to audio versions before bed and gone to weekly Bible studies all in an effort to recharge the relationship. My many devices have battery meters on them with a warning telling me when to recharge. My relationship with Christ does not have this convenient feature.

I have attended churches and made fast friends and shallow acquaintanceship. I have stayed in attendance in the church till I unplugged my battery. It didn’t happen all at once. One Sunday here, missed Bible study there. But I am not like the mobile units I carry. I need recharging far more often than my many pocket devices. I realize I am very much unplugged from a very real source of power. I did this on my own. I did not watch my battery meter, I ignored my beeping of the alarm till finally one day I realized all I heard was silence.

God is faithful. We are not. We can not promise to ever be faithful because that is a promise we will break the very next minute. God is faithful and when we plug ourselves back into the outlet? Angels rejoice.
Luke 15:10 In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

“We didn’t invent the wheel of suffering”

That is a quote that I made online this weekend and I stand by it. Our century is very fortunate that we don’t have to see suffering on a daily basis such as women dying giving birth, people dying from infections and starvation. We are lucky. Just a hundred years ago these were every day occurrences. I feel so grateful that we don’t have these happen right in front of our eyes.

With that said, I don’t feel like my generation knows anything about what true suffering is. We haven’t tracked across an ocean not knowing if there was anything to be found. We haven’t packed up all our belongings and moved across the United States when there weren’t even boarders. We live a pretty comfortable life honestly.

I find it laughable that my generation has forgotten what even our recent for-fathers went through, death and disease on a daily basis. We truly are lucky.

I had a conversation last night that made me think, which was the point of the conversation. Sometimes we can over think our positions, our rationals, our whatever we are holding on to till that is all we have left. Being carefree goes out the window.

In that spirit, Joshua and I are going on a road trip this weekend without a predetermined destination. We are going with a friend, and a camera. I did this stuff all the time in my 20′s. We aren’t going far because Joshua isn’t used to it yet, but damn is it time to start having fun again.

I’m not over thinking this trip or I will never get in the car.

Thank @sachaqs for the ever subtle remember that I am indeed a dumb ass